Heels to Highchairs
Today is Thursday, which means I go to my internship, which also means I need to dress business professional. So I put on my heels (which I actually enjoy) and I was off to work. After work I picked up my package from the office- which was a new highchair! So here I was.. assembling this highchair...in my heels... and I was like, "WTF am I doing?!" But then I really thought about it... what am I doing? Or going to do????
Ever since high school I knew I wanted to do something business related. I also said I wanted to work in an office, wear heels, drink lots of coffee, and make a lot of money. Well now I just don’t know what I want to do (besides make a lot of money.. I would still like that). I have been so stressed and frustrated lately about what I want to do. Here I am, a college graduate (minus these summer classes), and I still do not have a clue as to what I want to do.
My days now are ridiculously long. I wake up and go to the gym before the babies even wake up. Then I come home and shower quick and head to my job as a leasing consultant. Sometimes I work 6 hours or sometimes I work 10 hours. It sucks. But i actually enjoy working there because its a fun environment. By the time I get home, the babies are eating dinner or napping. I just always feel like I missed so much of their day (well because I did) and it sucks. I still have homework and at home work for my internship too. There is not enough hours in the day for me to work so much and still be with my babies.
I never really pictured myself as a stay at home mom. I just know I would get bored honestly. Yes, my kids would keep me busy. But I enjoy working. I enjoy earning money (because I obvi love to spend it). I always pictured myself with that perfect job with the perfect hours… the one where I have time to take my kids to school in the morning on my way to work, and then pick them up after school. I want a part time job with full time benefits… but don’t we all?
Lately I just do not have a freaking clue as to what my plans are in August when summer classes end. I really want to take a couple months to myself to regain my sanity lol. These past three years have been absolute non stop for me. From ISU, to summer school at Sauk, to ASU, to summer school at Gateway, to another year at ISU. Oh I also worked every school year. And I also have been raising two kids for the past 11 months. SO YEAH I KIND OF THINK I DESERVE TWO OR THREE MONTHS OFF. I really just want to use this time be a mom. I’ve always said that once school ends, I feel like I will be such a better mother. I just will be able to enjoy the little moments and play with my kids without trying to type a paper or feel guilty for not studying. So as long as I can swing it financially, I think my plans are to take a few months to myself + my family! Especially since Jakob will be back from the season!
But after those few months off……lol I don’t know. I don’t know what to do!! Part of me says grad school, but the other part says use my degree and get a big girl job. You know like the kind where the break room has a Keurig and I drink endless (free) coffee? I might as well get a job related to my degree… I didn’t just work my ass off for 3 years for nothing! Now I just need to decide what I want to do LOL. Marketing possibilities are endless, which actually scares me because how am I suppose to commit to just one industry!?
I am having really bad anxiety lately not knowing what my career plans are, but I know when the time is right I will find the perfect job. I haven't even started looking for career opportunities yet. I just have a feeling that when the time is right, I will know exactly what I want to do and I will be presented with a great opportunity! (well this is what I'm hoping for anyways)
