Just Around the Corner... or Weekend
WOW. Time sure does fly when your having fun. I am in total disbelief that this is my last week spending practically every waking moment with my fiancé (hehe) before he leaves for the baseball season. I am so sad, there is no denying that. But this will be our 3rd season apart, so I guess we’ve done this a time or two now so I at least know what to expect… but it still never gets easier.
Of course I am so excited that he is literally chasing his dreams + doing what he loves. I am actually envious that he has a passion + is pursing it, meanwhile I am over here (hopefully) graduating in practically a month with NOT A CLUE of what I want to do. Maybe I’ll just be a Professional Blogger? ;) But even with the excitement + experience of long distance, I still am
f r e a k i n g out that he is leaving me with our now mobile twins..yikes. I am nervous, anxious, somber, and just about every emotion in between those.
This last time apart was the hardest time of our relationship. I was the size of a whale with virtually no friends besides like 2 and I was just down right depressed. Once I went on bed rest and wasn’t allowed to work with my amazing coworkers anymore, I was practically a crazy basket case. Me, being the OCD/anxiety freak I am, could not sit still for more than 20 minutes but I literally had to because I was at risk of preterm labor. I was so alone + miserable that I completely shut down and resorted to eating a box of chocolate chip cookies every night. Family size, too. It was a hard time for Jake + I, and even harder once I had the twins + he had to leave. Now THAT was depression. It was also one of the saddest moments of my life. Here I am , recovering from a major surgery with two babies while Jake is back on the mound 4 days later. Hardest goodbye ever. I was miserable. I truthfully don’t remember much of those two months alone with the babies, but I know it was darkest place I have ever been. We shared lots of tearful phonecalls, lots of short worded texts, and lots of mental breakdowns (from myself. He was a total awesome support system). I was sooo so so thankful when the season ended and he returned home.
I know that last paragraph sounds so negative, but it is the truth. It really was a struggle on our relationship + my health. But it still doesn’t change the love I have for him + my support for his passion. I know this season is going to be COMPLETELY different. Of course, I will still be the crazy girlfri…fiancé… that calls every second of the day to talk about the babies, but I know this time it will be positive phone calls with out (as many) tears. I am going into this season mentally prepared to stay upbeat + confident with my parenting abilities. I have come such a long way since those two dark months. I refuse to have a negative mindset and I refuse to let that distract Jake from following his dreams. I want to support him 110% + help him to get where he wants to be, because that’s exactly what he has always done for me.
Our relationship is stronger than ever. We had the most amazing off season together traveling, parenting, and of course eating. We went to Illinois a couple of times, DROVE back to Arizona with two month old babies, and then went to Florida, California, Nevada, + New York where I got this big ol rock shinning at me right now;) We also had our lazy moments where we sat on the couch eating ice cream while watching pirated movies (I Vow that next off season I will not be such a bad influence on his diet). It really brought us together and has shown me that no matter where our babies, or baseball, or college takes us, we will always be the same strong couple who can handle anything life throws at us. I am sad to spend this last week with him, but I am excited to tackle (oops.. football term.. um.. “strike out?”idk..) this season with a positive, healthy mindset!
